Discovering Now

I look around at all of the captivity that I once was in. Busy going here or there. Countless hour after hour of communicating to someone about what we have done in an effort to gain understanding. I once looked to those around me to confirm that I was accepted and at the same time rejected. The tape plays over and over in my head. "They will soon know how inadequate you are, It's a matter of time before you are found out, Eventually they will see you for the failure you are". The loathing plays over and over and over and over and over again. I try to climb out of the mire to walk upright. Shame had weighed me down to the point that I could not function. Even this very compilation is referencing the past and therefore is futile. Right now the fire is going, the lights are on, i can hear the click of the keys as i touch them and this is the now. This is where life exists. Right now there are no failures, no regrets, no victories to boast about. All there is, is here. I never knew "here" existed. Time was either then or there. The constraints of time begin limiting and confining. Sweetness is breaking through to the timeless paradigm which is now. Along with the now is a sorrow for the slaves of time and the weighted down people who try day in and day out to swim but are tangled by the feet and therefore only are able to tread. For me i became weary and sank. Surrender gave way to awareness of a different way to live. One that is happening and continues to unfold. I am thankful to God for loving me so very much that he made me. I will spend my time regretfully in the system that we have built but escape every time I can to the now. In the now is all around me and always has been but I missed it. Until now.