Jump

There is a man perched on a rooftop ledge in anguish. As he looks down he sees a thick film of smoke that his vision can not penetrate. Behind him his world is burning up as his thoughts fixate on all the mistakes he made along his journey. The times he lied to loved ones for his own selfish gain. The late nights out while his family waited for him at home. The missed football games and dance recitals in an effort to get ahead at work. The cheating on his taxes and the shady times when he dodged debt he owed. The heat behind him consumes inch after inch as he feels the pressure. He does not believe there is a way out. He knows he can't go back but he is afraid of jumping forward. Misery exists on that ledge. Seconds feel like eternity as the mind desperately grasps for survival. There are choices. When the pain of the ledge becomes too much there is hope.

When I jumped I found a community positioned underneath what my eyes could not see through. I was embraced by acceptance despite my views of myself. We are in control of the time we spend on the ledge and not the effects of the heat. I am grateful I jumped as the flames engulfed all of what I accepted as truth. How long will you wait? 4's

Shades of Gray

There is a place where the light meets the dark. Just between the two there is a small transition that lay in gray. It that place we lose ourselves. North becomes South and East becomes West. Direction is all but evident. For some of us we go there intentionally. Over and over again we find comfort there in the familiarity of uncertainty. A great deal are actually born into it and thus becomes the only world we know. Time spent there is dependent on the willingness to step either into the light or the other way into the peril.
Lately I have found myself resting there. At times in different seasons we pass from light to dark not noticing the gray. Looking for validation or meaning externally requires me to give my power away. We can search for approval endlessly in the many forms. In the hands of others. Recognition from work. Success in the eyes of our neighbors. A nod from a pleased father. All of these could be important but its when it becomes vital in order to approve of ourselves, that's when the gray crosses over to dark. Awareness of the transition is where the power begins to be taken back. With my life rapidly approaching halfway being over I would like to begin keeping my power to do with as I see fit. Its only when the result is continually unfavorable do I seem to want to make a change. There is value in the struggle.

Everybody Hurts?

Is it true that everybody hurts? Is it true that we are all broken? Most of my life I learned through religion that we were all broken and always would be while we were here on this earth. I was taught that this life was to be endured and I was dirty and tainted just for being born. Pretty crappy outlook, not much good news at all. What I have found is that life hurts. People wrong people. Parents hit children, friends take advantage of their friends, men and women cheat on each other, governments lie to the masses, animals are exploited, racism still exists, equality is a myth, loved ones die, on and on and on. One could see all of these examples and judge that this world is a waste or wonder "What's the use anyway".
  
The realization of a need for grace is where healing begins.

It is true that everybody hurts and that we are all in need of love. Love is the great healer. What parents heart is not warmed with the love of a child? What friend isn't comforted when their hugged in a time of need by a friend? Everyone is in need of love. Whether they are able to receive it is another story. There is a road that leads to healing and compassion and acceptance. Many are walking around in circles, head looking down in desperation trying to find a way out of the pain. They don't even realize they are on the road already. Its free for all of us, if we will choose to look up. 4's

Choosing Choice

 Choice. Seems to be my favorite word these days. I once lived in a lie that told me there were no choices. Endurance was the only option. No money, deal with it. Bad relationship, deal with it. Life issues, deal with it. Over time it creates a lot of pressure on a soul.
 In the days of my childhood it was taught that anything to do with self was bad and that we were to anxiously await the shedding of this body and this dismal world for a better one in heaven.

Today I choose self. What that means is that in everything I have a choice. In that choice I also have an opportunity to choose what suites me, without choosing the guilt of being selfish. Now, please don't get me wrong. There is a fine line between considering one's self and self indulgence. I have had the priviledge to experience both. However, in times past myself wasn't even an option. My desire was, but not self. First I had to identify self and that was going back to the beginning where somewhere along the way self got lost, or stolen in some cases. Once I found self, I brought self with me to the here and now. Now I have the option to choose self in all situations.

There have been a lot of thieves along our paths that have robbed us from ourselves. Sometimes that culprit was even us. The truth of the matter is that none of them had the strength to hold on to their spoils. They only led us to believe they did. What they took was not theirs and all we have to do is boldly stand and take it back. The lies will get stronger the more upright we stand but as long as we keep our eyes focused on the truth, the lie will lose it's influence. From that moment on we have the choice to choose self, if we choose.

As The System Turns

Today I am very aware of the line between system and truth. I have come to understand that the system requires me to produce and consume. The system measures me and compares me based on my earning capacity. The system qualifies me if i have a good credit history or if I am in need of government assistance. The system has rules and consequences for behavior based on perception. Depending on where you were born or reside means the difference between getting served sweet tea or non sweet tea, the acceptance of equal rights and even the availability of illegal drugs. The system labels and judges how a man should act or what a woman should say and how we raise our kids.

Imagine a world where none of the things previously mentioned existed. No judgements, no labels, no desire for more than others. No budgets or skewed lines of ethics to gain more revenue. No need to secure a stable future. There is where the truth lies. The truth is that we are all worthy of goodness no matter where we have been or what we have done. The insistent need to be right is only a futile attempt to prove ones worthiness to himself. It matters not the gifts that are given to each human, only that it be used to benefit others. We are born slaves to the system of this world at the mercy of those who came before us. It is only when we realize that we have a choice to participate that we take the power back.

The system does not get to define who we are. We may choose to pay our taxes, car payments, childcare, grocery bill, gas prices, educational endeavors etc. However, today i will not feel less than if i struggle to do so. I will take comfort in the truth and that is I am loved by many. You are too.

No Humming Please

There is a business that hums. The humming begins the moment we wake. It takes the form of thoughts echoing in our heads. "What day is today, what do i have to do, where do i have to be, what will i wear, what time is it, how long will it take, what did i eat last night"? Humming, humming, humming. As if the noise wasn't enough it gets increasingly louder as we interact with others and their attitudes, thoughts, judgements etc. Even as we lay down at night there is still humming. Is there any escape? Stillness and silence reverberate our basic nature and that is merely "being". Human being. Not "human doing" or thinking or eating or singing..............just being.
Tonight as i ate dinner i saw my creation for the first time. Two of my children there in front of me feeding on the pasta that i provided for them. I experienced them being. I could not tell you what they said but i sat in awe, marveling as they chewed and love poured out in the form of tears down my face.
There is a secret place away from the humming and the business that our minds perpetuate. Absent from thought or feeling. Locked deep inside each and every one of us is a place separate from the world. It was there when we were created. Before we had a chance to reflect or analyze or anything. In that place lies our true nature, our "being". In that place love abounds and acceptance is freely given. What a wonderful retreat from the everyday humming that consumes our lives. I never knew this place existed but it was only because i looked everywhere for it except the one place it actually is, within. The humming will always be, but we can escape as often as we choose to the human being in all of us.

On Waves of Grace

Before the creation of the world i was intended to be free. I sit here and absorb what it means to be "made in his image". Just a few words, "Made", "In", "His", "Image". Mine eyes are drawn to just two letters. "In". Inside, part of, enveloped. I ask myself, what does this mean for an intentional, accepted, secure man? I was made in him. The very best parts of the inner workings are what i am composed of. In him there is no shame, no condemnation. In him there is love and freedom and laughter. There is joy and peace and grace. This is the essence of me and the very nature of my soul. With everyday that passes i see evidence inside of others that they are created the same, whether they know it or not. Whether they accept it or not. So much time spent in the wrestling with lies and schemes to rob me of my nature. So much haze and fog i looked through peering for a glimpse of hope that what i believed myself to be was false. As a stranded castaway looks hopefully yet looses hope for a rescue so was i seemingly hopeless. I looked on the horizon for a miracle but came to realize that everything i needed to set sail had been given to me from the beginning. It was my own folly to think that my fate lay in the hands of an outside source and was my prevail to construct my own boat to carry me away. Today I am riding on the waves of creation basking in the light of the son. He shines brightly on my face and is indeed very fond of me. Where my destination lies is of no consequence and by no means absolute. The beauty is in the ride.