Thursday, May 26, 2011

On Waves of Grace

Before the creation of the world i was intended to be free. I sit here and absorb what it means to be "made in his image". Just a few words, "Made", "In", "His", "Image". Mine eyes are drawn to just two letters. "In". Inside, part of, enveloped. I ask myself, what does this mean for an intentional, accepted, secure man? I was made in him. The very best parts of the inner workings are what i am composed of. In him there is no shame, no condemnation. In him there is love and freedom and laughter. There is joy and peace and grace. This is the essence of me and the very nature of my soul. With everyday that passes i see evidence inside of others that they are created the same, whether they know it or not. Whether they accept it or not. So much time spent in the wrestling with lies and schemes to rob me of my nature. So much haze and fog i looked through peering for a glimpse of hope that what i believed myself to be was false. As a stranded castaway looks hopefully yet looses hope for a rescue so was i seemingly hopeless. I looked on the horizon for a miracle but came to realize that everything i needed to set sail had been given to me from the beginning. It was my own folly to think that my fate lay in the hands of an outside source and was my prevail to construct my own boat to carry me away. Today I am riding on the waves of creation basking in the light of the son. He shines brightly on my face and is indeed very fond of me. Where my destination lies is of no consequence and by no means absolute. The beauty is in the ride.   

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Southern Man

I was born in 1974 which makes me a child of the eighties. Being from the south (Louisiana) there were traditions passed down that entailed milestones that transformed a boy into a man. Some of those would be frog giggin on the bayou during the summer or runnin yo-yos, catchin white perch in the winter. Southern boys always mark their face with the blood of the first deer they shoot. Southern boys love their mommas and protect their sisters (even if they are older). Southern boys hold the door for girls and ladies and never set their cowboy hat down on the brim.
Another characteristic of Southern boys is that they never cry or show weakness. For me i took great pride in that and it made me a great soldier. When life began to hit me hard i would take it on the chin, dust myself off and get back up. These days i have seen have that has hindered me. The truth of matter is that even men are designed to be vulnerable. As I began to strip down the hardened walls i once hid behind, i saw a mountain of a man cry one day. As i watched him from across they room i waited for signs of weakness but they never came. It was as if he doubled in size and strength as i watched him pour his heart out watching his daughter play for the first time in a long time. That man taught me that tears are stronger than the hardest steel and are evidence that even mountains have a soul. These days i am more complete as a man when i expose my heart. Today I choose to show that even a Southern boy whose was calloused can transform into a Southern man that weeps. Thank you Alan.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Momma made this Joy

I heard said once that "Mother is the name for God, on the lips and hearts of all children". Such a pure example of unconditional love. It was in that love that they would learn the ways of kindness, gentleness, tenderness, forgiveness.
She has little eyes look at her everyday. Those eyes are sometimes crying when a nap is desperately needed, yet sometimes smeared with purple when she has gotten into momma's make up. Yellow curls filled with life as they run bare footed almost everywhere they go. Momma made this joy.
She has hair that matches her eyes, as dark as chocolate yet shimmers even in dim light. It could be the light that causes the effect but we know different. The shimmer is a combination of two parts beauty and two parts giving. She is soft when she speaks and loves to create. She wants to care for others the way her momma has shown her. Momma made this joy.
He is a constant reminder of his daddy, unsure of friends, unsure of his way, unsure everyday. He picks and prods at his sisters and want so much to run and play. One thing he is certain of, there is always softness in the arms of his momma where he can run anytime he wants. Momma made this joy.

On a day like this we remember. She is the reason. Happy Mothers Day Momma.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

No more "More"

Its as if I am a jar. Clear on the outside, letting light shine through. The lid is on tight. So tight as to not let any of the contents out as well as not let any foreign materials in. My outsides are rigid yet fragile. Raised decoration on the outside exists only to appear not plain or uninteresting. Not long ago my lid repeatedly lifted in an effort for me to fill my life. I would fill it with more. More of what i perceived valuable to me. Praise, recognition, achievement, success, euphoria, money, pleasure, validation, spirituality and on and on. An ever flowing stream of externals is what i sought. A little would feel good and if that be the case than more must feel even better. More money, more sex, more friends, more facebook (wink) more meaning of who I am and where I came from, even where I was going. Tonight i stumbled on this truth in my life. The opposite of "more" is "enough". From the earliest of memories i must have been taught the more equaled better. As I rest in the peace of "enough" i am able to see what has always been the truth. I am enough. Every moment we have is exactly enough. The very existence of our being and the ability to involuntarily breathe in and out as we sleep is enough. What awe it is to experience a glorious sun rising in the east or soak in the warmth of a child's hug. Free from the necessity of more. My story was complete the second i was created by his will, and it was enough. No need for anything to be added or taken away. I, you, we are enough.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Got Community?

Very few times in my life have i experienced community. Growing up in the city taught me not to trust outsiders or even let others get close. Every night on the news there was some story of someone being taken advantage of by someone else in one way or another. The safest thing to do in my mind was just to trust my immediate family. Even though at times emotional crimes were committed on a daily basis by them as well. I heard that there was a community in the church. A kinship of believers who supported each other and gave their burdens to one another. I looked there for a number of years and each encounter proved to me that "community" was claimed but rarely practiced, except in extremely tragic times. Loss of a life or a divorce etc. I noticed that the everyday saw few visitors from the community. Thats when we need it the most right? Eventually the skepticism turned into a sense of synisism and it seemed all hope was lost. When the walls started closing in and i looked around l was all alone, panic set in,. I wanted to cry for help but my experience had been that no one would here me anyway. What is one to do? Where do we go? After years of being beaten up by adversity and struggle (much of which was self induced) community found me.
 Would you believe me if i told you that we have never been alone? My actions, pain, loss, behavior, thoughts, intent or anythings else has never or will ever separate me from this community. It took me being able to expose my soul to others, the good, the bad, the indifferent, and have them love me anyway. Not just the idea of love. The physical feeling and experience of love. The affirmations, the hugs, the tears, the knowing. When you feel that feeling you are experiencing the creators love the way it was intended. With that revelation i discovered i never wanted to live the lie of separation from love again. The world tries over and over and the ego as well attempts to sway me to isolation and feelings of "not good enough". When that happens i merely look around at the community and rest in the assurance and evidence that love is here. I understand that the community is there, i just have to choose to live loved.